Mystery Short Story

            “Honk! Honk!”

            The loud noises of the busy Detroit city fill the thick night air. It was a usual night in the Motor city. People rushing home from work, car honks as loud as a stampede of raging elephants, and night lights that seemed to light up the sky to make it seem as if it were still light out. It was also a usual night for two Detroit detectives. For Detective Ostrich McDrewgle and Detective Sam Dilamenchium, the night darkness was their sanctuary. They were enjoying their night when a voice sang out over the line.

            “Murder at the corner Christy and King Avenue. All squad cars in the area on scene.”

            “Here we go again,” said McDrewgle. “It’s time to tag ‘em and bag ‘em Dil.”

            Dil was short for Dilamenchium for his real name was just too long. The detectives pull up to the scene where they see multiple sets of flashing police lights. As they walk they walk up, they see a female figure on the ground. The woman had black hair, seemed to have been five foot eight, and had two gunshot wounds to the chest. She has bruises on her face to see she had been beaten before she was shot.

            “We have a female gunshot victim,” said the cop. “Her name is Katy Perry. She is 24 years old works at the Leg Loose Dance Club down the street.”

            “Was she raped?” asked Dil.

            “No. No signs of any sort of trauma of force except for the bruises on her face.”

            “Any witnesses?” asked McDrewgle.

            “None what so ever,” said the cop. “ She was found by a cop out on regular patrol around 1 a.m. It’s now 1:20.”

            “Well then I guess it’s time we go find some suspects. We’d better check out the Leg Loose Dance Club,” said Dil.

            They head to the Leg Loose Dance Club. There, Perry’s manager Al Capone meets them.

            “Are you the men investigating Katy’s murder?” asked Capone.

            “Yes we are. I’m Detective McDrewgle and the is Detective Dilamenchium from DPD.”

            “Well I don’t have much to say,” said Capone. “Her shift ended at 12 and she has a guy leave with her almost every night. But tonight she had five guys hitting on her. She told me about them and I kicked them out around 11. Maybe they waited out side until after her shift was over.”

            “Did you get the names of the men?” asked Dilamenchium.

            “Yes names of all five men. They were Chuck Norris, Snoop Dogg, Sylvester Stallone, Charlie Sheen, and Jason Stathum.”

            “Alright. We can go back to head quarters and check backgrounds on these guys,” said McDrewgle. “Thank you for your time Mr. Capone. Have a nice night.”

            Back at the station, they run the names through the system to see what kind of history they can find about the five men.

            “Well we ran them throught the system and it doesn’t look good,” said Dilamenchium.

            “What do you mean?” asked McDrewgle.

            “Well after we looked at them we came up with some interesting things. Mr. Norris has no record at all. We tried finding him in the system and all that popped up is ‘He’ll find you.’ Then we checked Snoop Dogg. He has 13 cases of possession and actually just flew out on a plane to New York at 11:15. Mr. Stallone was a fake identity because the real Stallone was killed making his new movie in the Middle East. Charlie Sheen was picked up at 11:30 and put into rehab for the usage of drugs. They said they found him near death in his room. That leaves us with Mr. Stathum. He has 12 cases where he has been tried of murder but never convicted.”

            “So the two men we have left are Norris and Stathum?” asked McDrewgle.

            “Yes and we know exactly where to find them,” said Dilamenchium.

            “Then let’s roll.”

            The first stop was at Chuck Norris’s house. There they found him dead in his room with a picture of his parents in his hand. They found a note saying that he didn’t do it but he knew they were coming. It also said that he just wanted to be with his parents again. I guess they found out that the only thing that could kill Chuck Norris was himself. Then they go to Stathum’s. There they find him asleep in his bed and as they wake him up the arrest him for murder. At the trial he was found guilty and all four of the other men were found innocent. In the end they went back to Norris’s house to tag him and he was gone. All that was left was a note on the kitchen table saying, “You fools should have known, I don’t have any parents. I was government issued. I’m watching you. Don’t make me kill you next.”